Disappointed / SAd / Unappreciated etc etc
I’m currently going through a rather complex and mixed emotions. I don't know how I should feel and how I should react. Therefore I decided to come in here to confide, to bitch, to 'vomit' out all that I am thinking and all that's going through my mind.
As you all out there might already know. My schedule's really packed for now till the end of next week. Cos of all the school's exams that's coming up, all the trekking, kayaking and also tennis lessons. Really packed till I don't think there'll be much space and time for me to relax. And guess what? I received a call this afternoon from Yu hua ( one of the "member" of bond 59). She told me that they are planning to go over to JB tomorrow which is SAT. Why such a last minute decision? Cos another member of "bond 58", Kelvin (Mr. Policemen), managed to get a day's leave and also managed to borrow a car. That's why. I really wanted to go with them. And i'll push away everything jus to go with them. But the fact that they know my schedule is so packed and still want to go makes me think that I’m not important at all. I know that they do not mean it, but I can't really help how I feel deep down.
I have always tried to make it to meet them so long as there aren’t any major clashes of timings. And if the meetings are planned in advance I’ll always make sure to block off the day for them!! But the prob is that they always don't plan in advance! I am really kind of tired of giving in to them and their wants at time. Like kept going for buffets etc. Who ever think about how I’m coping with things? With sch, with work (though i'm not really working now). And whenever I complain of work, Hui yee will say :" u don't understand one, school's the best. Unlike work". Ha... I mean, why say such things? Everyone always hated what they are doing at the stage of their life (or at least most of the time). Like I used to hate serving NS, but now that I’m studying, I think I do love army more!! See the point?
Back to the giving in part. Why can't everyone in the grp be less 'ge gao' at times? Like Kelvin and he’s occasional tantrums (which I would say here that I absolutely hated). For hui yee: I think you're kinda pushy and bossy at times to the point of irritating !! Do u know that I don't really wanna go over to ur place at times? Cos I don't feel comfortable at all, I feel very restrictive and all. But since the purpose of going over is to have fun and get together, I jus take it and as long as everyone is ok with it then it's ok. But it's really stressful at times, that's what I’m saying. Just think about when is the last time we played mahjong without ur protest!! So should I insist in not going for buffets next time ? Cos I really don't wanna spend all the money on buffets and food all the time. Why can't jus have a normal meal like fast food etc?? Is eating good food so important or that we have grow and forgotten about the simple things of life tht we use to enjoy so much ?
Ok ok, I have diverged a little. Back to the issue which triggers me to write all this (the proposed JB trip tomorrow). I made the effort to go, all that I want is to watch a movie and not come back too late (ard 10pm). Is it really too much? And I am really pissed when I have posted something on the yahoo grp and ask ppl to read but they don't want and simply jus refused!! Why? Cos they say that going online they'll think about work!! So does it imply likewise that I can not check the yahoo grp's posts next time and jus say that going online makes me think about sch (which is the very thing that I hated right now at this stage of my life??).
The very thing that makes me angry / sad / etc etc is that I made the effort to go with them despite my super tight schedule. But what did I get in the end? I got a call that tells me "I'll decide for u, u don't go for tomorrow, we'll go again another time." How am I supposed to feel? TELL ME!!! I don't need u all to decide for me. I've made a decision, I’ll go with u all so long as don't come back too late. But I’m simply not worth the sacrifice on all of their part. They are simply not willing to come back early?? I might have wrong them. I know. They could be thinking: “Nick’s already so busy, better let him go and concentrate on his stuff and sch work and all". But did anyone seriously deep down spared some thought for me? No one ever does!! Not them, not my army friends, not everyone!! This is life isn't it? This is simply the reality of life. All humans are born selfish and all. So should I from this very moment jus fuck care of everything and go back to my old ATTITUDE self? I think I should. Cos after so many years of trying to be better, things are actually not becoming better!! It's in fact becoming worse!!
Just think!! Think of all our outings!! Which are the ones suggested by me?? Buffet? KTVs? I went KTV the day b4 tat day that we went, do u all seriously think that I’ll wanna go again and sing all those same songs again (moreover I’m having a sore throat and a cough !). I don't know. U all kept saying that I am keeping things to myself right? Now I’m spilling everything out!! I really don't mind all these things and I can live with it, I can accept all these!! Why? Cos I love all of u as friends, I cherish all the relationships with friends and all. And nothing's perfect in the world, I’ve come to realize and come to terms with it long ago. But I jus hated it and I jus can't tolerate it when I feel that I’ve been taken for granted!! I don't need material stuffs; I jus need those small gestures and recognition / appreciation!! Don’t even need to tell me!! I can feel it!! But the prob now is that it seemed to have disappeared!!
So I’ve come clean with what ever that I think and feel on u all. Let's jus say everything and stop been the ever political correct guy!! Too much of it will amt to being a hypocrite and I hated it!! I hated those kinda ppl and I don't wanna be one of them!!
Anyway, I have not really say things about Terence, Guo hao and Yu hua. Frankly specking, I don't think there's anything wrong with Terence not able to meet up with us that often etc. Maybe cos both of us are in sch, so I kinda know what he's going through and all. Moreover with his school stuff and dance etc, it's understandable that he's busy. So pls, stop saying that he’s not trying to meet us etc. I don't think he mean it. But Terence (if u happened to read this) ; pls try not to complain to ppl that u are damn poor when u are like buying clothes and buying over $100's Adidas jacket and adidas caps and all etc etc. I mean, does that really seem like poor to u? And does going to chiong seem to be something which a poor person will do ?
For Kelvin, pls. Stop complaining etc etc on things which are not important like why we goes out or meet up when u are working. Come on, be realistic!! The only time where all of us will be free is like weekends right? So does it mean that we can't meet if u don't have offs on weekends? Pls !! Give me a break!! And u know what? Ur this syndrome is spreading!! Now I’m also always complaining cos u all always have supper without Terence and me !! Did u ever think about this? Why don't u nag to yourself the next time u do it ? I mean, come on, we are all old enough, everyone have their constraints, so pls, will everyone be reasonable? Terence don't nag when we meet without him right? So I don't see why u should. Actually I don't see why anyone should. We all know that we are important and mean something to one another right? so isn't it enough ??? Pls don't PMS after reading this, this is only what I feel. So ya. And one more thing that i wanna tell u kelvin; pls don't make any more STUPID comments trying to imply that there's something more than friendship between Yu hua n me. That's something which makes me think that u are really CHILDISH !!! Pls.Thanks.
For Guo hao and yu hua I don't have any complains. Cos I think they are mature enough and seldom throw tantrums etc. So ya. Yu hua can say that she don't wanna do certain certain things like once in a while. It's alright as long as it's not all the time like hui yee who don't know why seems to object to us playing mahjong all the time (even though we all know that guo hao wanna play it!!!). Actually u all kkknow what I like the most? Jus to go to some cafe and sit and have a drink and talk. It's the best thing that friends can do with one another. Really. To me, it's the simplest things tht matters at times. So ya, guo hao and yu hua have been very accommodating. VERY GD!! hahaa (my first laugh after typing for so long right ? ) But one thing that guo hao can do is to so asking us to go for buffets!!!
Ok ok, I think it's late already. So everything that I ever wanna say i've said. So ya. Felt lighter now!! Anyway I might forget a few things as well, but the above should roughly summarize it already. Pardon me for my lousy use of English and also all those errors etc etc.
*Disclaimer: Above are all the thoughts and feelings of Nicholas Kwok Shi Yong. So if there’s anyone who is offended by those things said, pls ignore them as they should not have been said at all !! Cos they are thoughts and feelings!! SO yea!! Pls don't take him liable for anything said!! Hahahaha
Nick
As you all out there might already know. My schedule's really packed for now till the end of next week. Cos of all the school's exams that's coming up, all the trekking, kayaking and also tennis lessons. Really packed till I don't think there'll be much space and time for me to relax. And guess what? I received a call this afternoon from Yu hua ( one of the "member" of bond 59). She told me that they are planning to go over to JB tomorrow which is SAT. Why such a last minute decision? Cos another member of "bond 58", Kelvin (Mr. Policemen), managed to get a day's leave and also managed to borrow a car. That's why. I really wanted to go with them. And i'll push away everything jus to go with them. But the fact that they know my schedule is so packed and still want to go makes me think that I’m not important at all. I know that they do not mean it, but I can't really help how I feel deep down.
I have always tried to make it to meet them so long as there aren’t any major clashes of timings. And if the meetings are planned in advance I’ll always make sure to block off the day for them!! But the prob is that they always don't plan in advance! I am really kind of tired of giving in to them and their wants at time. Like kept going for buffets etc. Who ever think about how I’m coping with things? With sch, with work (though i'm not really working now). And whenever I complain of work, Hui yee will say :" u don't understand one, school's the best. Unlike work". Ha... I mean, why say such things? Everyone always hated what they are doing at the stage of their life (or at least most of the time). Like I used to hate serving NS, but now that I’m studying, I think I do love army more!! See the point?
Back to the giving in part. Why can't everyone in the grp be less 'ge gao' at times? Like Kelvin and he’s occasional tantrums (which I would say here that I absolutely hated). For hui yee: I think you're kinda pushy and bossy at times to the point of irritating !! Do u know that I don't really wanna go over to ur place at times? Cos I don't feel comfortable at all, I feel very restrictive and all. But since the purpose of going over is to have fun and get together, I jus take it and as long as everyone is ok with it then it's ok. But it's really stressful at times, that's what I’m saying. Just think about when is the last time we played mahjong without ur protest!! So should I insist in not going for buffets next time ? Cos I really don't wanna spend all the money on buffets and food all the time. Why can't jus have a normal meal like fast food etc?? Is eating good food so important or that we have grow and forgotten about the simple things of life tht we use to enjoy so much ?
Ok ok, I have diverged a little. Back to the issue which triggers me to write all this (the proposed JB trip tomorrow). I made the effort to go, all that I want is to watch a movie and not come back too late (ard 10pm). Is it really too much? And I am really pissed when I have posted something on the yahoo grp and ask ppl to read but they don't want and simply jus refused!! Why? Cos they say that going online they'll think about work!! So does it imply likewise that I can not check the yahoo grp's posts next time and jus say that going online makes me think about sch (which is the very thing that I hated right now at this stage of my life??).
The very thing that makes me angry / sad / etc etc is that I made the effort to go with them despite my super tight schedule. But what did I get in the end? I got a call that tells me "I'll decide for u, u don't go for tomorrow, we'll go again another time." How am I supposed to feel? TELL ME!!! I don't need u all to decide for me. I've made a decision, I’ll go with u all so long as don't come back too late. But I’m simply not worth the sacrifice on all of their part. They are simply not willing to come back early?? I might have wrong them. I know. They could be thinking: “Nick’s already so busy, better let him go and concentrate on his stuff and sch work and all". But did anyone seriously deep down spared some thought for me? No one ever does!! Not them, not my army friends, not everyone!! This is life isn't it? This is simply the reality of life. All humans are born selfish and all. So should I from this very moment jus fuck care of everything and go back to my old ATTITUDE self? I think I should. Cos after so many years of trying to be better, things are actually not becoming better!! It's in fact becoming worse!!
Just think!! Think of all our outings!! Which are the ones suggested by me?? Buffet? KTVs? I went KTV the day b4 tat day that we went, do u all seriously think that I’ll wanna go again and sing all those same songs again (moreover I’m having a sore throat and a cough !). I don't know. U all kept saying that I am keeping things to myself right? Now I’m spilling everything out!! I really don't mind all these things and I can live with it, I can accept all these!! Why? Cos I love all of u as friends, I cherish all the relationships with friends and all. And nothing's perfect in the world, I’ve come to realize and come to terms with it long ago. But I jus hated it and I jus can't tolerate it when I feel that I’ve been taken for granted!! I don't need material stuffs; I jus need those small gestures and recognition / appreciation!! Don’t even need to tell me!! I can feel it!! But the prob now is that it seemed to have disappeared!!
So I’ve come clean with what ever that I think and feel on u all. Let's jus say everything and stop been the ever political correct guy!! Too much of it will amt to being a hypocrite and I hated it!! I hated those kinda ppl and I don't wanna be one of them!!
Anyway, I have not really say things about Terence, Guo hao and Yu hua. Frankly specking, I don't think there's anything wrong with Terence not able to meet up with us that often etc. Maybe cos both of us are in sch, so I kinda know what he's going through and all. Moreover with his school stuff and dance etc, it's understandable that he's busy. So pls, stop saying that he’s not trying to meet us etc. I don't think he mean it. But Terence (if u happened to read this) ; pls try not to complain to ppl that u are damn poor when u are like buying clothes and buying over $100's Adidas jacket and adidas caps and all etc etc. I mean, does that really seem like poor to u? And does going to chiong seem to be something which a poor person will do ?
For Kelvin, pls. Stop complaining etc etc on things which are not important like why we goes out or meet up when u are working. Come on, be realistic!! The only time where all of us will be free is like weekends right? So does it mean that we can't meet if u don't have offs on weekends? Pls !! Give me a break!! And u know what? Ur this syndrome is spreading!! Now I’m also always complaining cos u all always have supper without Terence and me !! Did u ever think about this? Why don't u nag to yourself the next time u do it ? I mean, come on, we are all old enough, everyone have their constraints, so pls, will everyone be reasonable? Terence don't nag when we meet without him right? So I don't see why u should. Actually I don't see why anyone should. We all know that we are important and mean something to one another right? so isn't it enough ??? Pls don't PMS after reading this, this is only what I feel. So ya. And one more thing that i wanna tell u kelvin; pls don't make any more STUPID comments trying to imply that there's something more than friendship between Yu hua n me. That's something which makes me think that u are really CHILDISH !!! Pls.Thanks.
For Guo hao and yu hua I don't have any complains. Cos I think they are mature enough and seldom throw tantrums etc. So ya. Yu hua can say that she don't wanna do certain certain things like once in a while. It's alright as long as it's not all the time like hui yee who don't know why seems to object to us playing mahjong all the time (even though we all know that guo hao wanna play it!!!). Actually u all kkknow what I like the most? Jus to go to some cafe and sit and have a drink and talk. It's the best thing that friends can do with one another. Really. To me, it's the simplest things tht matters at times. So ya, guo hao and yu hua have been very accommodating. VERY GD!! hahaa (my first laugh after typing for so long right ? ) But one thing that guo hao can do is to so asking us to go for buffets!!!
Ok ok, I think it's late already. So everything that I ever wanna say i've said. So ya. Felt lighter now!! Anyway I might forget a few things as well, but the above should roughly summarize it already. Pardon me for my lousy use of English and also all those errors etc etc.
*Disclaimer: Above are all the thoughts and feelings of Nicholas Kwok Shi Yong. So if there’s anyone who is offended by those things said, pls ignore them as they should not have been said at all !! Cos they are thoughts and feelings!! SO yea!! Pls don't take him liable for anything said!! Hahahaha
Nick
posted by AtTitUde | Friday, February 17, 2006
1 Comments:
Don't so sad and unaprreciated! You're one friend I treasure! =)*SmiLe*
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