Inbalanced again!
I'm currently in the employee recreation centre over at the commons. Feeling rather down now. The reason is cos of something rather stupid.
I went back earlier to my apartment and Gabe was there. I knew that they went over to get a car today, so i asked him how was it. He told me that they have already gotten a car and that the 4 of them: Debbi, yong chang, Carol and him are sharing the car. With that, i kinda got rather unhappy and sad. I know that i shouoldn't be feeling that day but that's the way i'm feeling and there's nothing that i can do about it!
I should feel happy that they have gotten a car cos they wanted it so badly! but on the other hand, i'm not happy about it cos i am not part of it. I wanted to be part of it, but no one really ask me to, so i kinda didn't take initiative to do so. Maybe cos i'm afraid of being rejected or what, but right now, i'm really feeling very sianz!!
The reason as to why i am feeling like this may be because i realise the fact that they will be driving to many other places and going to many other places and that i'll not be able to join them as they already have 4 person pack in the car and that they paid for it! Actually i think we can fit in another person, and i certainly don't mind squeezing at the back of the car, but they do not share the view that i have, they only want 4 persons. It's all my fault from the very first place, cos i didn't take any intiative to tell them that i wanted to get the car with them etc, so i kinda deserve it as well. Damned! Hated to have this kinda feeling. Really hated it!!
Really hated the fact that they'll be going to many places and doing many things together and that i am or rather i'll not be part of it! I really wanna be part of it, cos they are the ppl that i'm kinda closer to! I am not really close to the rest of the ppl, so.......
Shit!! I really don't know what to do for now and how to feel for now manz! Hated this feeling!! REAlly!! Fuck!!! HOpe that i'll be able to get over this asap, if not i'll forsee that someday i'll create some problem for everyone of us and i don't want it to happen. So pls, if there's a god or something like that out there as what alll my friends told me, i pray that i'll get over this asap and pls help me to get over it, i'm feeling so miserable now. Cos i know that i shouldn't be feeling this way but i don't can't really control my feelings!
nick
I went back earlier to my apartment and Gabe was there. I knew that they went over to get a car today, so i asked him how was it. He told me that they have already gotten a car and that the 4 of them: Debbi, yong chang, Carol and him are sharing the car. With that, i kinda got rather unhappy and sad. I know that i shouoldn't be feeling that day but that's the way i'm feeling and there's nothing that i can do about it!
I should feel happy that they have gotten a car cos they wanted it so badly! but on the other hand, i'm not happy about it cos i am not part of it. I wanted to be part of it, but no one really ask me to, so i kinda didn't take initiative to do so. Maybe cos i'm afraid of being rejected or what, but right now, i'm really feeling very sianz!!
The reason as to why i am feeling like this may be because i realise the fact that they will be driving to many other places and going to many other places and that i'll not be able to join them as they already have 4 person pack in the car and that they paid for it! Actually i think we can fit in another person, and i certainly don't mind squeezing at the back of the car, but they do not share the view that i have, they only want 4 persons. It's all my fault from the very first place, cos i didn't take any intiative to tell them that i wanted to get the car with them etc, so i kinda deserve it as well. Damned! Hated to have this kinda feeling. Really hated it!!
Really hated the fact that they'll be going to many places and doing many things together and that i am or rather i'll not be part of it! I really wanna be part of it, cos they are the ppl that i'm kinda closer to! I am not really close to the rest of the ppl, so.......
Shit!! I really don't know what to do for now and how to feel for now manz! Hated this feeling!! REAlly!! Fuck!!! HOpe that i'll be able to get over this asap, if not i'll forsee that someday i'll create some problem for everyone of us and i don't want it to happen. So pls, if there's a god or something like that out there as what alll my friends told me, i pray that i'll get over this asap and pls help me to get over it, i'm feeling so miserable now. Cos i know that i shouldn't be feeling this way but i don't can't really control my feelings!
nick
posted by AtTitUde | Monday, June 05, 2006
2 Comments:
Dear nick,
oops... looks like its a rather complicated prob you have there.... maybe you can initiate to join now?? anyway, a car can sit 5 ppl rite??
Oh yes, we're all here praying for you to get over this misery asap... no one wants to see you so unhappy, esp ppl who loves you like we all do...
Take care okie??
Love you,
bossy lady @ Huiyi =)
Hmm... Can understand the so call "being left out" feeling u are facing now... Why not put down ur egoistic and intiate to chip in to the car's cost so as to enjoy the rest of the outings together? I am sure with ur laughter and company their trips will be more fun and exciting... You have to give it a shot manz. And always control urself k... Keep urself happy always...
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