The worst is finally over --- Or is that just the beginning???

4/5 of my papers are finally over. The toughest one is the very first one that i had. Corporate reporting & analysis of financial statements. I thought i was prepared. I really thought so. That is now officially the most difficult paper that i had ever taken in my 22 years of life.

The rest of the papers are alright. Not really very gd, but it's not too bad either.

So. Exams are almost over. One more paper to go. Can't really study for that very last paper either, thus i have the time to write this entry. Reached home rather early today, ard 6pm.

Been doing nothing since i got home. Watched TV, tidy up my room, packed my stuff. Go through all those notes, papers etc that i had accumulated this term. 1/3 of it was thrown away. 1/3 was turn into waste paper. And the other 1/3? Stashed at some corner of my room. Yep, that's the fate of those papers which had helped me through the whole term.

Since the worst is over. I should be relaxed, should be happy right? That's what i though so as well. But somehow, there's this weird yet familiar feeling, trying to break loose. THat's a mixed feeling of loneliness, depression.

It's actually not as bad as what i make it out to be like. But i know it's there. All it take is a trigger event and it'll break loose. okok, i think i better stop now. If not i'll be giving it a chance to surface! Ciao

nick

TAURUS MAN

Come across the following thingy online. Take a look. Does it describe me well???

A quiet simple man who can do something unexpected to shock you. Taurus man mostly medium tall, strong with good health, good strong body. When he talks, he likes to turn his head to one side on one direction. His body will be quite straight, facial structure tend to be square shape more than other shape. His eyes sparkle with liveliness.

Even when he is in love, he is still a free wild bird. He is a sand in your palm, the more you want to hold it, it will slip out. If you stand and hold it still, it will stay that way. Don't set the rules and draw a line for him, he will not stay.

When you are with him, he will think only of you. But an hour later he could change his mind. He is very patient with other people, but very impatient with himself. His world always turning and it will not stop just because he loves you. If he up sets, he will show it right away. If something has gone wrong, he will blame his own carelessness instead of blaming other people. H e sincere to his friends even to some friends he does not like. He likes to do odd things and surprise other people. He could be fully dress in a nice suit and jump in the pool. He could slap your back so hard just to make you turn around to see he has flowers in his hand. He never wants to get too close with anyone for he thinks living in reality is living by yourself.

He does not care what people think when he behaves weird. He could be walking bare feet and laughing at people who laugh at him and think they are so narrow minded. He does not likes to follow conformity, but always want to search for new ventures, new mystery. He will interest in a life of a millionaire as much as a life of an old man selling newspaper on a sidewalk vendor.

He like to search and analyze people and things. He will analyze his friends or his girl friend, and once the mystery is gone, he will search for new puzzle to solve. He can not easily understand thing, so he will gradually learning about you till he fills up all his questions.

He knows so many people, but he has a few friends. He looks for quality friends than quantity friends. He will be close with some friends shortly and move on. He always feel lonely even surround by many people. He could create his own little world, and sometimes no one would understand him. He looks only for future and he thinks he lives for the future. He may wonder how many people think like he does, but he does not want to be like the others.

A man with a conflict personality. He is a cool, understanding, able to work well, and very artistic. Taurus man could be an artist. He could shock you as much as he is able to clam you down when you up set. He is a free spirit who likes venture, but when he wants to be alone, do not touch him but to let him be. He won't disappear from the crowds too long, he will be back.

He will give you straight forward opinion or comments, but will never advice what he thinks you should do. He does not like people to tell him what he should do too. He thinks each individual dreams and thoughts should be very private. He will use his brain not his body strength, so he will let other guys compete. He has a certain satisfactory in life and hate to force himself in competition. He may seems careless, but actually he is a thinker and a stubborn one.

He sees anything in details and not easily trusted people till he thinks he Knows them well. You can just smile and he will think why and what are you smiling about, and if you are pretending. Once he trust you and accept you as a friend, no one can says other wise to change that for he will not listen to gossip. He will be honest and sincere to his friends.

He hates lies, so he will not tell you lies. If he finds it is necessary to lie, he will find other ways not to tell you or avoid telling you anything. If he really has to lie, you will never be able to tell that he is lying. He can really keep secrets, so you will hardly know that he is a lonely soul.

If you want this kind of guy, you have to be an interesting person. He has to be curious about you. Hell for him is "No Freedom", so if he marry you then you should know it is the biggest decision in his life. Always be interesting, and then you could have him beside you.

Nick - Taurus man

Sick ---- Appreciate the simple things/way of life

Not really feeling well these days. Now it’s ok liao. But I was sick for almost one week I think, it was so long that I cannot really remember how long I was sick for.

Had fever, cough, sore throat etc etc. Lots of stuff. Really irritating.

This bolt of sickness really came at a wrong time. I have piles of *hit that’s coming due these days and those datelines are drawing nearer and nearer by the second. Being staying till late in schools almost everyday for meetings etc and that’s including weekends. Well, maybe this is the reason why I got sick in the first place.

This short episode of attack by those Viruses actually allows me to appreciate simple things in life and also those things that I always take for granted for.

Try swallowing some saliva now. How it feels like? Normally we don’t even give any thought to such an operation that occurs numerous times everyday. But this simple act is something that you’ll not miss when u have a sore throat and coughing etc.

I am so used to be able to sing all the time thus this whole week was really bad. I can’t really sing one whole song without having to clear my throat after one or two sentence. I can’t sing when I am walking home from Yew Tee Mrt etc. So I hate it!

Anyway, pls don’t think that I’m some spoiled brat etc. Obviously I know that I’m not suffering much as compared to people out there with other more serious illness. But at this very moment, this is what I’m going through and it will be my suffering. Everyone’s going through different things. ARgh… I don’t know how to put it. Okok.. Let me give an example:

Like for example, take Y as a working adult. Y is working under a really lousy boss and Y feels that life is bad working there etc and tells X that studying is good. But to X, working might seems better because it means that you don’t have so many projs, quizzes, assignments, readings etc etc to do.

So what I am trying to say is that we shouldn’t compare and should always look at what a person is going through in his or her own capacity and see if is it really that bad or not. Because if we want to compare, there is always someone out there that’s going through a more difficult time then us. Yaya, hope that I did managed to say what’s on my mind. It’s so difficult! Guess the virus have gotten to my brain! Ciao……….

Nick

Because of you - Is this me?

I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

Nick

BLIND

What would the world be like if humans are ‘blind’ to superficial and physical attributes of another man?

Will it make starting a relationship easier? Will it be easier for people to make new friends?

How many times have we formed illogical and inaccurate perceptions of other people simply based on the fact that they are not that good looking or simply based on the sole reason of ‘I just don’t like that person’s looks.’

Will there be lesser breakups because people will not be so superficial and just get together with another person mainly because of that person’s looks but because of that person’s character and goodness which is what they person is actually made up of.

Will the world be a more racial harmonious place to live in if we’re blind to the physical and superficial attributes of man?

There’ll be no races because we can’t differentiate.

We will not mindlessly brush off what someone said in class as rubbish which primary aim is to ‘smoke’ their way through during class and earn class participation points simply because that person is an “India Indian”(no offence) or because that person is a “PRC”(no offence again). –Cos I swear that people from other races does that as well.

Well well well, but all these are easier said than done. It’s human nature to form stereotypes and perceptions about the people that they come into contact with to economize mental effort.

So what we can do is to try to shield off, to reject or to delay all these beliefs and mindsets from the beginning and only come to a conclusion when we really get to know that person that we are dealing with.

nick